You know those days when everything gets on top of you? Stuff you didn't realise was weighing you down all becomes too much to carry? Then it takes one tiny straw and your camel's back collapses.
I had one of these days recently. I had been plodding along in my usual fashion, one foot in front of the other, trying not to get swamped in new-mother-juggling-work land. Or what I thought was my usual fashion. I hadn't felt any different, yet here I was after a slight public disappointment with hot tears pricking my eyes and a lump in my throat. An overreaction by any stretch.
As I sat in the car ready to go home, I caught hold of myself and wondered what the hell was wrong with me. Breastfeeding hormones? Tiredness? I'm not usually so sensitive. Sure I'd been looking forward to getting something done that needed to be done, and had met yet another roadblock with time ticking away too fast... but to want to cry? I've yet to see a man cry with frustration, but it seems women are born for it. Thanks, Eve.
I realised I'd been absorbing a lot of negativity without knowing that I had, and that I normally wouldn't. Things people had said to me that caught me off guard, butting heads ever-so-politely with well-meaning people which meant holding my tongue, lack of sleep, not eating anywhere near right, and the feeling that I was always one step behind everything in my life, running to catch up when I'm usually so organised. I sat there thinking "I've been holding on to that? Really?" about random things people had said... and I hadn't noticed until it was too late. Positive Pete had a Negative Nancy moment. And I can't say I liked it.
So I did what I always do when I know things just need some time to work themselves out in my head without overthinking it - I cook. It keeps my brain from overload and is an excellent distraction. Bananas have finally come down in price to a reasonable level, so I bought a couple and made Veggie Baby a banana pudding from a cute old book from 1985 I had laying around about baby food called Feeding Baby. There's a bunch of cute stuff in there, like warnings that "a chop bone could poke into an eye"... OK!
This banana pudding is way cuter than an impaled eye, though. I bet your little one will love it.
BANANA PUDDING:
Mash half a banana with 1/4 cup milk, 1/2 tsp rice flour and 1 egg yolk. Pour into a small greased custard cup and bake in a moderate oven 20-30 minutes until set. Wait until cool before serving.
Ahh cooking. Where would I be without you?
Yes banana pudding is WAY cuter than an impaled eye.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you noticed you were getting upset & internalising before it completely overtook you. VM I love reading your tweets and blogs because they are so positive & happy. Personally I know sometimes it can be hard to 'maintain appearances' when inside you just want to SCREAM!
I can't wait for my Worm to get a little older so we can start to try your recipes out.
xx
S
My toddler would love this! What did veggie baby think of it?
ReplyDeleteHope Negtive Nancy takes a long holiday for you. X
Thank you! It is so nice of you to say. I had a lifetime of getting completely overwhelmed and buried deep in everyone else's negativity, so when I realised what was happening many years ago, I worked hard to change. Now I stop and examine why I'm feeling out of sorts when I recognise the signs... it helps me shake off what is bringing me down and to focus on the positives. Although I used to be the complete opposite, these days I'm usually a very happy and easygoing person - but I dare say all the things that come with being a new mum would shake even the strongest foundation at times! Sometimes you're just so damn tired xo
ReplyDelete'Tis definitely cuter than an impaled eye. Sorry you've had a rough time of late though. You're right about crying in frustration - it does seem to just be us that do it. I do it too. I had a bit of a meltdown on Tuesday, I think? Wasn't pretty. Hope things improve for you, and soon. <3 <3 <3 <3
ReplyDeleteNegative Nancy can rack off! She's so not welcome here!
ReplyDeleteVB loved the pudding but still hates bananas... only baby in the world, haha xx
So sorry to hear you've been absorbing so much negativity.
ReplyDeleteI know i'm just a little ol' reader (and lover) of your blog here, bur your positivity is infectious. It's ok to have a negative Nancy moment now & then :)
And hey, if creations like these come of negative moments ... not all bad, right? :)
I'm about to head back to work soon, & I have a feeling some of the feelings you describe above are going to be part & parcel. Wish me luck!
And I hope today's a better day :)
xx
I was really lucky, I dodged a bullet with full-scale meltdown. But I hate that emotional overreaction to something others wouldn't cry over. But I'm cutting myself some slack, stuff's hard sometimes. Hope you're ok now xo
ReplyDeleteStacey I can so relate, I have these types of almost-meltdowns every so often (not frequently but enough so that I recognise one when it is approaching). I love that you recognised the signs - not eating right, lack of sleep - those factors truly do affect our emotions and well being.
ReplyDeleteAs you know I am writing an eBook on balancing work and motherhood. I would SO love you to read it before I publish it. I think you and I have a very similar understanding of what we need to do to keep ourselves intact.
Awesome recipe by the way, and I LOVE your photo. You're a super clever cookie. I'm glad you shook off the negativity and returned to your awesomely positive self fast. xo
I came to a similar conclusion last night after my twitter vent that I had unknowingly absorbed lots of negativity round me this week as well. I wasn't smart enough to bake it out though. It was so lovely to know that I wasn't alone in feeling so thoroughly out of sorts. I have woken today knowing it is a fresh day and I am really looking forward to it. I've also got a boxing class tonight which is an awesome way to destress! (And I've bookmarked your recipe xxx)
ReplyDeleteNegativity is a killer. I avoid it at all costs and have let those close to me know I have zero interest in it. You're definitely not alone Sarah, it throws me totally off whenever I do unknowingly absorb it.
ReplyDeleteOh, hun ... I hate that ... and I hate that we're genetically programmed to spill tears. Bah humbug to negative, energy-zapping people x
ReplyDeleteBlame Eve alright! Ive been having a day like that today; everything is just so hard.
ReplyDeleteApples aren't even that good...
ReplyDeleteI'd rather be man of steel and only cry when necessary! Bah humbug indeed. They can all bite me :)
ReplyDeleteI did some yoga this morning and immediately felt better. Yay for endorphins! I don't like it when the doldrums roll around, it is so nice to know that it's temporary and there's someone out there feeling a bit blah too xox
ReplyDeleteNothing keeps me down for long! I always know there's a reason for why things happen, even if I don't know what that reason is yet. That baby could also cheer anyone up :)
ReplyDeleteButting heads ever-so-politely... have had a few of those recently. Also didn't "think" it was bothering me till I started crying when someone said I looked tired (and I ALWAYS look tired!)..xx
ReplyDeleteargh, it's the unexpected gentle kindness that makes it alllll come flooding out! I've been very restrained with this headbutting thing, and in my head I'm screaming "shut up! my kid, my decisions!"... and I continue to scream that long after they've gone and they've forgotten. We're all so damn tired xo
ReplyDeleteThis looks scrumptious what an easy recipe to whip up!!
ReplyDelete