Things have been ramping up in real life lately as I prepare to take my first steps on the journey to my PhD. I love my job, and being an academic is something I've always dreamed of - even though it took me a long time to get here and I chose probably the most roundabout, man-shortcut path.
As this year draws to a close and plans for next year are being made, it's easy to say yes to everything. More work, more classes, more commitments, more study... those things that make my heart beat faster and bore everyone to death with my excited babble about "mediatisation", "politics", "research methodology" "thesis" and "retention rates". I'm passionate about what I do and I'm grateful every day that I have a job I love deeply and truly enjoy.
The problem is, Veggie Baby is growing too. She makes my heart beat faster and I bore everyone to death with my excited babble about "new teeth", "swimming lessons", "almost crawling", "cute dress" and "oh my god I'm obsessed". I'm passionate about her and I'm grateful every day that I have a job I love deeply and truly enjoy.
While she is forever and always going to be first, I know I can juggle motherhood and academia - I have excellent support, a day care I love and the best and most generous, understanding colleagues in the business. There is just that thing in the back of my mind, that I may be taking on too much. I don't know how things will go, but I seem to not be able to say no to things that are offered to me on my career path. As it stands at the moment, my plate is full and balanced. But what if something comes up that throws that whole perfectly-crafted web of fulfilment into disarray?
I guess my question is - have you had this experience, and how did you deal with it? Exciting things in your adult world competing with the sheer joy of staying at home with your child? Torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool...